I just had to record this down.
After three years of technical art training, I was getting tired of what I was doing. All the fancy sci-fi concept art, environments, characters...I felt that it was all mere eye candy. I was disgusted. There is no meaning in what I was doing. People look at the final product, and so what? They are entertained, given visual pleasure and awe. Then what? They forget about it and move on to do their own things. I was on the verge of giving it all up and go into writing instead. Seriously.
But then I entered a degree course in art.
At first, I was overwhelmed by the amount of theory work involved. Inch-thick books, pages and pages of theorist' journals. When I started studying on some artists, however, I finally began to realize that art is something more than meets the eye. Particularly, when I chose Hayao Miyazaki as my subject for an essay assignment, I was fascinated by the depth he puts into his movies. His films are not merely for visual pleasure, though they are exceptionally beautiful, but they provoke people's thoughts, and both directly and subtly insert messages into people's minds.
That is what I want to do. Not just draw and paint blindly, thinking of technique, lighting, composition etc. I want to create art that has meaning.
And it took a whole lot of theory research just to realize that...